Sacrifice.
What is the meaning of this word? To me, it means giving up something for
something else. Giving up something you really want for something you want more.
For years,
triathlon did not feel like a sacrifice. I gave things up in order to commit to
triathlon, but in my mind, I didn’t really want those other things. Staying
inside all day, having lots of spare time, or getting a summer job were not
things I was really interested in. I was
happy without them. I much preferred having
a busy schedule of training out in the fresh air with my friends, travel ling around
to new places, and competing all summer. At that time, triathlon was everything
I wanted, and my successes positively reinforced this lifestyle. I dreamed of
making the Olympics and becoming a world champion. I believed that I would get
there when I “grew up”…. 2012 and 2016 seemed far into the future and totally
plausible to me.
Slowly triathlon
became more serious, and as I got older, getter faster got increasingly more
difficult. I pushed myself to train
harder and longer. I didn’t ever goof
off during workout, and was always
focused, intense, and committed to my goals. Triathlon wasn’t something I did
just for fun anymore. Achieving my goals made it fun, and achieving my goals
required a great deal of dedication. Triathlon was my life, and it defined who
I was and what I chose to do or not do. If something could negatively affect my
training or competition, then I would not do it. I became trapped in this small
world that revolved around training, competition, and qualifying criteria. Not
much else mattered to me. I started sacrificing things in the true sense that I
define the word. I sacrificed sleep, food, social time, school, and fun….and my
happiness hinged on my success.
In these
past two years, after the move up to U23 and Olympic distance races, I have not
seen the results that I became accustomed to seeing…. the results that I expect
from myself. I told myself to not be a
sore loser, to be patient, that it will come in time, to not be so hard on
myself. But without the success, triathlon was no longer a source of happiness
to me. I got tired of being exhausted all the time, of having less time to do
school work, of feeling guilty for eating dessert, and of not really having
friends outside of sports. These other things became more and more appealing to
me as triathlon was no longer able to provide happiness and satisfaction in my
life. The daily grind itself was not fun, it was the end result that was fun,
and if that end result never came around, then none of it was fun.
So, in
light of all this, I have decided to retire from competitive triathlon. I no
longer want to sacrifice other things in my life. I want to finish my undergraduate degree in
the next year and pursue a master’s degree; I want to get work experience and explore
future careers; I want to have friends
outside of sport; I want to exercise
when I want to and not when I don’t; I
want to stay up late watching a movie without stressing about lost sleep. It’s
these things that I have deprived myself of while being committed to triathlon
that I now want to do.
While this
may seem like a depressing blog post, I also appreciate all the great
experiences triathlon has given me. Some of my personal highlights are winning
US Youth Elite Nationals twice, winning 3 golds at BC Summer Games, placing 3rd
at nationals in my first year of junior elite and winning the junior series,
winning gold in the team relay at Canada Summer Games, competing at Junior Elite
Worlds twice, and at the Youth Olympic Games in Singapore. I have learned a lot
about myself over these years, met great people, and have had great support
from coaches, sponsors, family, friends, and team mates. I would like to thank
my many coaches over the years: Leanne Wilkinson, Kelly Guest, Sheila Galloway,
Neil Harvey, Patrick Kelly, Carolyn Murray, and Craig Taylor. I would like to
thank all my team mates: Duncan Stingrays Swim Team, Kelly’s Kids Triathlon
Team, NTC Victoria, and RTC Guelph. I would also like to thank all my previous
sponsors: Berg Bikes, Frontrunners Victoria, Asics, Oak Bay Bikes, Nineteen
Wetsuits, Specialized, Vega, Running Works/New Balance. And finally, I would
like to thank my parents, sisters, and grandparents for putting up with me, and
funding my training and competition.
Finally,
all the best to my triathlon friends and team mates. While I am moving on to
the next stage in my life, I won’t forget all the great experiences I had.